*blowing the dust off of this joint*

To be completely honest, I didn't even know that this blog still existed. After V removed it from the KISS website, (without telling me) I thought that it completely evaporated into cyberspace. But it didn't . . .hence this blog entry.

I intend to blog a little more often. There are so many things going on in my life...and I need somewhere to document them.

Things that I really have to sit down and write about:

* Chocolate Brides
* My daughter
* My job
* Syndication Opportunities
* Girl Talk
* Spirituality

I'll get started soon. I promise. No . . .for real. :o)

It's such a good feeling to know that people DO care.

Roy Wilkens Park, Queens New York

My friend told me that God speaks to us in our dreams because sometimes when we're awake, we don't listen the way we should. Well, I've had a series of some really strange dreams lately.

Just last night, I had a dream that I was standing in the doorway of a church. I was thanking the congregation for welcoming me & my husband. As I was speaking, I gazed over to the left where someone's house had apparently caught on fire. I was looking at the aftermath...a charred frame, and water damage. I didn't personally know the lady who lived there . . .but I knew her kids. The woman walked up to the door of what used to be her home but was afraid to walk in. I think she must have left her children at home alone. She was afraid to find out what was on the other side of the door. I asked my husband to go into the building . . because I too, was afraid. He brought out a small child who was burned in the fire, but the baby wasn't crying. I was frantic. I called 911. The dispatcher told me to apply ice to the child's burns. Meanwhile, the mother of the baby simply walked away seemingly unconcerned about her child.

The night before, I had another disheartning dream. I drove into a huge pothole that left me underground. The car ended up on it's hood, and I was upside down & injured. I didn't see the pothole because there was a house on fire on the block and the smoke from the fire prevented me from seeing where I was going. I called 911 on my cell . . .but when they asked me about my location, I couldn't tell them because I was underground, unable to see the street sign. I was in a lot of pain and was hysterical because I was afraid that I would see a mouse or rat in this underground area - - and I wouldn't be able to run because my ankle was broken.

God, what are you trying to tell me? I'm listening.

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Maybe God WAS trying to tell me something.

There are no words. Absolutely NO words for what I'm feeling right now. My heart is heavy . . .and I'm not sure if I've ever be able to emotionally recover from what I've seen. I want to help...but I feel as though no matter what I do will not be enough. But I MUST do something.

There are a million things that people seem to be consumed with surrounding this disaster . . . but I absolutely cannot get over the fact that I saw, with my own 2 eyes, people literally starving to death. I saw several opportunities to help babies, the elderly, the sick, and helpless....but people turned their backs, and walked away.

I must help. I will not be able to sleep peacefully, until I help SOMEBODY. I want to be assured that the money that I donate will INDEED help a family in need. I have got to find a way.

"You're the first, my last, my everything."
-Barry White

My friend told me that God speaks to us in our dreams because sometimes when we're awake, we don't listen the way we should. Well, I've had a series of some really strange dreams lately.

Just last night, I had a dream that I was standing in the doorway of a church. I was thanking the congregation for welcoming me & my husband. As I was speaking, I gazed over to the left where someone's house had apparently caught on fire. I was looking at the aftermath...a charred frame, and water damage. I didn't personally know the lady who lived there . . .but I knew her kids. The woman walked up to the door of what used to be her home but was afraid to walk in. I think she must have left her children at home alone. She was afraid to find out what was on the other side of the door. I asked my husband to go into the building . . because I too, was afraid. He brought out a small child who was burned in the fire, but the baby wasn't crying. I was frantic. I called 911. The dispatcher told me to apply ice to the child's burns. Meanwhile, the mother of the baby simply walked away seemingly unconcerned about her child.

The night before, I had another disheartning dream. I drove into a huge pothole that left me underground. The car ended up on it's hood, and I was upside down & injured. I didn't see the pothole because there was a house on fire on the block and the smoke from the fire prevented me from seeing where I was going. I called 911 on my cell . . .but when they asked me about my location, I couldn't tell them because I was underground, unable to see the street sign. I was in a lot of pain and was hysterical because I was afraid that I would see a mouse or rat in this underground area - - and I wouldn't be able to run because my ankle was broken.

God, what are you trying to tell me? I'm listening.

I went to South Jamaica the other day to play tennis. (Yes, my fat behind was out there on the court in the 100 degree weather, chasing a tennis ball. You would have died laughing had you seen it.)

Being in the neighborhood, triggered some of good childhood memories. My favorite Aunt used to live around the corner from those tennis courts. When I was a child, I spent every single weekend at Aunt (pronounced, 'ANT') Bea's house.

I started walking down memory lane when I felt tears begin to fill my eyes. I remembered the cheese sandwiches with the government cheese. I remember thinking as a child that she was the BEST COOK in the WORLD because of her skills. Never using a frying pan . . . but using the bottom tray of the oven. During a thunderstorm, she would turn all the lights off and force me and my sister to go in the back room because "God was talking". She would not allow me and my sister to play cards in her house. She claimed that she didn't want "gambling" in her house. She was the one who taught me how to fish. My mom used to take us fishing behind the TSS out in Far Rockaway. I remember promising her that when I turned 16, I was going to get my driving license JUST so that I could take her fishing everyday.

It's been nearly 25 years since she died . . . .and I miss her as if she just died yesterday. I don't think she ever really knew how much I really loved her.

It's so true about what they say about people being in your life for a reason and sometimes only for a season.

On my way to work this morning, I thought I saw an old girlfriend of mine who I haven't seen or talked to in nearly 5 years. I'm not sure if was actually her or not...but I started thinking about what made us stop speaking in the first place. She was someone who I worked with. We grew very close within a short period of time. We became very close. One day, our friendship came to an abrupt halt. I was living in Pittsburgh at the time. I didn't come to New York often....but when I did, it usually was on a weekend. If I remember correctly, I came to NY one particular weekend to visit my mother & grandmother....and unfortunately, didn't get the opportunity to visit my friend. She became angry...began talking about me behind my back, and refused to talk to me after that. At first, I was hurt..but after awhile, I learned to let go..which brings me back to my original point.

Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends who are a consistent part of our lives throughout all our ups and downs. However, sometimes others we consider friends appear to enter, then depart from our lives for reasons we try to, but don't always, understand. This truly has made me understand the flow of people in and out of our lives.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

Some people NEED their MTV. Some people NEED a morning cup of coffee. Well, I NEED my gospel music to get me going in the morning. Gospel music speaks to me the way NOTHING ELSE can. I need it first thing in the morning to set the tone for the day. Without it, I can become a little cranky.

So I'm sitting on the 8:39, on my way to Penn Station, getting ready to listen to Be Encouraged by John P Kee when my IPOD decides to malfunction. The pause button became stuck . . .and wouldn't play. NO WAY. I just bought this stupid thing 3 months ago. And it wasn't cheap either. I figured I'd try it again. When my computer gets stuck at home, all I do is reset it by turning it on and off so I'm sure I can solve the problem rather quickly - - -but wait, the on/off button which also functions as the pause button is STUCK! I really could have cried at that point that was a day when I needed that musical inspiration like none other. All kinds of things started to through my mind like, "When it rains it pours" & "I'ma be Miss EVILena today."

I got onto the 1 train . which is the last leg of my morning commute when 4 gentlemen boarded the train and broke out into 4 part harmony singing the very inspiration that I craved 20 minutes prior. It's like I could hardly believe it! It was almost like they KNEW what I needed and gave it to me 20 fold. They even gave me a couple of extra bars. I felt so overwhelmed until I actually shed a tear. Right before they went into the next car, the lead singer of the quartet said, "I don't know what's wrong with them Ladies & Gentlemen. It's like they won't shut up this morning!!!" The passengers all laughed . . .and there I stood with tears in my eyes. I graciously pulled out a 5 dollar bill and placed it the paper bag that one of the men had.

They just don't know how much they blessed me that day.